


In the Storms

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Category: Original Work, hard rain - Lykke Li (Music Video)
Genre: Bittersweet, Codependency, Established Relationship, F/M, Identity, Ocean, POV Female Character, Rain, Relationship Study, Stream of Consciousness, Water
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 08:39:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18825112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Being in love with Jonah was like being submerged.





	In the Storms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ashling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashling/gifts).



Loving Jonah was like being submerged. It was something that Kay went into willingly, knowing from the way that he carried himself through the world that it would not be an easy love. Love was more than she had first imagined when she was young. At first she assumed that she could follow a simple roadmap in life from A to B to C. 

She had not counted on finding him and falling hard. She could never have anticipated the way he brought her to the sea, the sea that was inside of her, ever replenished because he always managed to make it rain.

They could laugh about it, the way their love brought the storms. Not only the ones they sat inside for and enjoyed, but ones that brought passion and fierceness out in both of them, so that they held each other tight and rode the waves of them.

And still there were other storms, the ones that she almost didn’t have words for. During those, she could feel him pulling away even while he was right there in front of her. She could feel something yielding yet impenetrable that would surface between the two of them so that she never knew if he’d stay or go.

There were the rains of her own doing that answered his. And when she was alone those rains fell the hardest.

He would come back. He always did. But it was the fear that what they had was so impermanent, so terrifyingly fleeting that kept her from knowing in the end if what she gave could ever be enough. And so she gave some more.

He knew these things about her, and he understood the ebb and flow of their love. He understood it so well that she didn’t know if he was using it to his advantage, to get his way, to make her stay.

In the end, she didn’t know if it would ever really matter. They both knew the rhythm of it all, and she always found herself in his arms again, confused and scared but allowing his body to shelter her once more. 

She knew every line of his form, from the sinew of muscle to the lines and shading on his skin.

The rhythm of it all had always been there, and it seemed inescapable. She thought of the sea, again and again, and how many times she had offered him everything, even the water of her own body, her sweat and her tears. 

The sea had buoyed their relationship so many times, as it held her up through the roughest patches, when she doubted things the most. Still, most things, even the sea, her own or the one outside her window, were still best enjoyed when he was there with her.

The way he held her, as if every point where their bodies could touch sent waves of pleasure through him, it was something that she couldn’t ever let go of. She never would, even if she escaped to some other part of the world. 

Even if she escaped. Him. His moods. His distance. And the way he commanded the sea in her with the way he moved and breathed alone.

* * *

Maybe one day, though, she would give up, go somewhere else, be her own person away from the storms. Maybe she would let it all go. He could be fine on his own, no matter how electric it was when they touched. He was his own person and she was hers, and maybe one day the rhythm they had together would simply end. It was a dark one, with sharp edges that could catch on her if she wasn’t careful.

So careful.

Still, the hum of it all stayed under her skin and she felt loved-trapped-loved. She felt seen in a way she wasn’t sure if anyone else would be able to find all of her soft and hidden places.

The way he could.

The way he held her up like water and she spilled over into the sea, and the way it rained, rained, rained.

The storms were brutal, and the connection only deepened when he came in like the tide and was hers again, with the storm outside, and their own needs inside that were never quite met.

She knew that hollow feeling, that common emptiness that would always be hers, gnawing at the edges of her consciousness even when he was saying all of the right things and even using gentle words, calling her the pet names she had always loved falling from his lips.

Kitten. Just like the first letter of her name, Kay, Kath, could shorten so easily to the diminutive Kitten and she allowed it, wishing she relished it like she had at first.

And then she thouht about the way he said her full name, low, and how it will always undo her and draw her back to him. 

But there was more, always more. More than names, as powerful as they were.

He could make her shiver in the middle of a desert heat. He knew exactly how and exactly when and, oh, he used it all, everything he knew.

She felt it every time he let go, letting her drift in her own confusion and self doubt. He knew when to reel her back in as well.

It was something they understood about each other, but still, one day she imagined it might change.

It might.

Maybe she would find herself in a far-away town, imagining him but knowing he was nowhere near, and she’d think about the storms but they wouldn’t have the power that they did now.

She would never think of water and not think of his arms around her, his body against hers.

The water was his. Even when she showered she could feel him there.

Physically there, and emotionally gone. Nothing but the distant rumble of thunder and the smell of rain. Only a memory.

Only a memory.

But he was there when he wanted, so many times when he pulled in like a sailor coming home from sea, ready and waiting to take her in again.

Maybe one day it would end.

She could be across the world.

She would give him anything and everything, she knows that now, but she imagined it, being on her own, getting away from the push and pull.

The rhythm that always meant she could be drawn back to him.

He has always been there. Exactly the way he wants to be. And the storm may have been his when it all began, but the burden was halved by now. She carried half on her shoulders and told herself it was just the way of things. And the way out was nothing but smoke.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a brand new song to me, but it was in the vein of some others I really love, thematically. I ended up with a little thematic playlist.
> 
> I started to feel a little bit run down physically during the writing of this, but hopefully what I picked up from the song and wanted to get across actually came across. :) I hope you like this!


End file.
